If you haven’t already been in line for the past week to see this gem then you’re shit out of luck because the crowd isn’t going to die for months!
No seriously, it’s going to suck. We’re talking Bangkok Dangerous levels of sucking. While I’m on it, can anyone exactly pinpoint when Nic Cage decided to go off the deep end of shit movies? He had some decent movies back in the day. My guess is that it was sometime around Face Off. If someone can get back to me on that I’d appreciate it.I’ll give you some of his wigs I won in his foreclosure auction.
Anyways, Drive Angry is basically Ghost Rider with a car and less jokes about heads being on fire. In the trailer it seems like Nic Cage escaped from hell at some point to avenge the murder of his daughter and reclaim his granddaughter from the gang that stole her. Really? Where does Cage plan on keeping his granddaughter when he gets her back? He’s from hell. One way or another this little girl’s life is going to be shit. To top it off, Satan wants Nic Cage back (take him). So while he’s battling this gang of kidnappers/possible devil worshipers he’s being pursued by Satan’s minion, That Guy Who Has Been In Tons of Movies Without Anyone Knowing His Name. And in an unheard plot twist that has NEVER happened in films, Cage forms a bond with a young, beautiful blond woman who helps him in his fight. But the best part of this sure to be shitfest is that Nic Cage has bleached blond hair! He looks like a sadder shell of Hulk Hogan.
The current ranking on Rotten Tomatoes is at 47% with 67% of fans liking the film. Really? Who voted in this? Was it Nic Cage? It can’t be this high unless you are incredibly high. I remember when Nic Cage was cool. I’ve blocked out the Nic Cage who’s been broke and buying multi-million dollar pyramids to be buried in. This needs to stop. He needs to do one more good movie and walk away. That’s it. Just stop it. Call it a life and hang out with your weird son and Lise Marie Presley or whoever he’s married to now.
One last thing, can trailers stop advertising movies as being in 3D? They all are. When The Kings Speech is in 3D it’s time to stop it.
The Brash Delivery 